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The How To: An Alternative Guide To Surviving A Festival

The How To: An Alternative Guide To Surviving A Festival

Festival season is in full swing and if the thought of partying at 11am in the morning and dancing in a field full of strangers to the dulcet sounds of heavy techno doesn’t get you going then we don’t know what will. Whether you’re jetting off to a festival in the sun or you’re packing your bags for a weekend of hedonism here in the UK, there are a few tips and tricks that will see you through the madness and mayhem in style. Never erected a tent in your life? Not sure what a wellington boot is? Here’s our alternative guide to surviving a festival for people who don’t like camping, mud or lukewarm beer.

A collage of festival images including a stage, a tent and images of a Valentino coach jacket and Lanvin trainers
A collage of festival images including a stage, a tent and images of a Valentino coach jacket and Lanvin trainers

PACKING

Whilst most guides to successful festival-ing will tell you to pack light, our advice is to the contrary. A festival gives you the sort of sartorial licence that the street style set can only dream of, and you need options. It’s a time for peacocking, pulling out your glad rags and taking more selfies than you might usually in a year. How else will your followers know that you’re having fun? Take upwards of two looks per day so you can do an evening change and bask in the glory of the crowds’ attention – after all they’re here to see you, not The Stones.ACCOMMODATION

Don’t camp. Unless you’re a seasoned camper and truly enjoy it, in which case you don’t need our advice. Avoid the battle of the tent pegs, leaking ‘roof’ and catastrophic row that will ensue with your better half and go glamping instead. We can honestly say that this is the best way to enjoy a festival if you, like us, enjoy the finer things in life. From Tipis to yurts, you won’t have to give up your creature comforts and will have somewhere to stagger back to that’s clean and dry when you’ve had too many sherbets. We personally like the ones that come with sheepskin rugs and wood burning stoves, but that’s just us. You might get called a cop out but you’ll have the last laugh when your accusers tent gets trampled by a drunk passer-by. Book ahead.

A collage of images of festivals including Coachella and a camper van and luxury product by Gucci and Valentino
A collage of images of festivals including Coachella and a camper van and luxury product by Gucci and Valentino



SCHEDULING

A more organised person might tell you to sit down with your gang, go through the schedule and make a list of set priorities for the weekend. To this, we say boo. Be spontaneous, go where your body tells you, make new friends and discover new bands – get lost with a bloke called Dave who turns out the be the headliner’s roadie and scoop a few backstage passes. Or just sit in the VIP area and luxuriate in its opulence all day – it’s up to you.

FOOD AND DRINK

Unless you enjoy lukewarm beer and tepid wine, we suggest only frequenting festivals that have boutique cocktail tents and champagne bars. This might sound pretentious, but you’ll thank us when the third round of jalapeno margaritas arrives. Whilst drink comes first, food comes second and fine dining is a must. All good festivals offer celebrity chef banquets these days, so pull up a chair and gorge yourself on Wagyu beef and wild mushrooms foraged in Périgord. Alternatively, demand a rider and let loose your inner rock star with requests for gummy bears and Krug. Please drink responsibly.